4 Essential Habits of Happy, Connected Families

Owning cows was never on my bucket list.  Honestly, having cows wasn’t on any list of mine. But what was on my list was raising my kids to love God and family and know how to work hard.  And if I have to wade through cow manure to get there then that is exactly what I plan on doing. Sometimes as a mom, you have to be willing to sacrifice some of what you want or envisioned to get to the important goals you have for your family.  So what are the biggest challenges facing your family? And what habits do you have in place to overcome those obstacles? Learn some of the common problems facing families, and 4 essential habits of happy, connected families that we must have to overcome!

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4 Essential Habits of Happy, Connected Families

Oh, I had dreams of marrying a cowboy…but he didn’t have any pesky cows running around to muck up my dreams.  And there was no room in my dreams for annoyances like late dinners or dropping what I was right in the middle of doing to run out the door to check on an animal.  So why in the world would I put up with it all? And how are these detours taking me exactly where I want to go?

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Are you facing similar obstacles?  Your husband not “cooperating” with your dreams?  Are your kids wired completely differently than you? What is standing in the way of achieving your vision of your best family?

Here are 4 Secret Habits of Healthy, Connected Family

Let’s dive in and take a look at 4 essential habits of happy, connected families so we can overcome obstacles and achieve our best family.

Develop Long Term Goals for Your Family

When your children are grown, how do you want them to be described?  What words and character qualities come to mind? A few words should just jump to mind…if not take a minute and dwell on this question.

We need to be clear on where we want our kids to go before we can take them there. 

If you are absolutely positive that you want to raise children that are grateful then you will be way less likely to give in to whining.  You are more likely to try to be appreciative and thankful sounding when they are around.  You have a long-term goal that will carry you through the day-to-day struggles.

This long-term vision will also be key in keeping teens on board with the family.  Teens truly want to make the “best” choices in life.  Sometimes society or friends seem to have all the answers and their voices beckon our kids.

Many years ago, I read this book and it was LIFE-CHANGING in how we parented.  It is an absolute must read for any parent who wants to remain a key counsel person in their child’s life! 

Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate is unlike any book I have ever read.  As you read the book, it will confirm what you have been subconsciously thinking, but hadn’t been able to put into words.

If we want to have a continued opportunity to speak into our teen’s life then we need to have a clear vision of where we are going. If we as the parents are striding forward with confidence that we have a well thought out plan, our teens will be more apt to listen to our advice on their day-to-day decisions.

Create a Strong Happy Family By Working With Your Strengths as Parents

Look at the gifts you have as parents.  Identify your natural strengthens.  These are your best assets and will help you create an internally strong family.

What do each of you bring to the table? What comes easily for you? In the household, what jobs are you naturally gifted to do?

Country Boy loves hands on tasks and being outside.  So if I kept after him to get a job inside at an office, because that is what I was used to growing up, that would be kind of stupid.

Instead, our family has done several big manual labor projects like building and remodeling houses, farming, gardening and owning cattle.  Out of these en devours, we have used the opportunity to teach our children skills and character qualities that we believe to be important.

So once you have identified what your vision is for your family and what character qualities you want to instill in your children, use your strengths to get to work!

If your husband is great at fixing cars.  And one of your main goals for your children is to teach them to be hard-working and compassionate, it would make sense that your husband would show your kids how to work on cars.  And he would probably take them along to help fix a neighbor’s or an elderly person’s car. But this means you may have to deal with unwanted car parts lying around or extra money being spent at Auto Zone!!

However, if we remember that these “inconveniences” are all moving us forward to our BIG goal of a happy strong family it makes more sense!

Let go of comparing your family to other families.  Your family is skilled and gifted in very specific ways so it won’t look or function exactly like someone else’s family. Find your strengths and put them to work to MOVE FORWARD on your family goals!

Develop a Strong Family Bond by Creating House Rules Together

One common problem families face is not having clear rules and boundaries in the household. So if the kids feel like the rules are always changing, or they can go from one parent to another to get a difference answer there is BIG trouble brewing!

As parents, we have to be willing to do what is necessary to create a united front.   If we are constantly bickering then there will be tension in the leadership of the family causing trouble in the ranks.

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Remember what I said about letting go of some things we envisioned to move forward on our central goals? Well this is where the rubber meets the road!

For example, you may wish that your children all dressed up for church on Sunday, but dad seems fine with jeans.  Is it worth tension every week insisting that the kids wear khakis? Or is the bigger goal that we are all together on Sunday morning at church?  (Don’t even get me started on the time Country Boy dressed Little Red in her toddler camo bibs for church!)

Or perhaps you and your husband differ on what’s acceptable choice for music, movies or video games.  Try to make compromises so that you are creating a united front and NOT slowly splitting into two families.  There is nothing worse than the huge divide that becomes evident in families, by the teens years, when parents put their individual goals above the family goals!

***Need some extra help creating boundaries and family rules THAT WORK?  I highly recommend Madeleine Davis’ book Stress Free Family: Chaos to Calm in only 28 Days!  I got to know Madeleine a bit through a Facebook group and she is one sassy smart mom.  She shares all her tips on how she went from a frazzled mom to a CALM mom.  Some of her ideas I have never heard elsewhere…but they make so much sense!! This may be just the book that turns your family around!

Grab your copy here!

Spend Time Together as a Family

If you are going to bond as a family and be strong enough to weather the ups and downs of life, you have to spend time together.  This may be enjoying downtime together at home around the table or time spent talking.  Family time may be when you are working on projects around the house or on your small family business. You may also take trips together to get away and enjoy visiting family or new sites.

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However it works for your family, find that mix of work and play time to create a strong bond.  When you are enjoying one another as a family it will keep that communication open.

Now, you are still going to have rough times with your teenagers.  They are going to have struggles.  Teens will want to express their opinions and make their own decisions.  But when we have built-in connection points that are habits – like fixing dinner together or going to the games on Friday then we are more likely to keep talking and bonding as a family.

What does your family like to do together?

Remember these 4 essential habits of happy, connected families:

Develop Long Term Goals for Your Family

Create a Strong Happy Family By Working With Your Strengths as Parents

Develop a Strong Family Bond by Creating House Rules Together

Spend Time Together as a Family

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Yes! Please send me "10 Days to Strengthen Family Bonds "