By the teenage years, it seems like we should have this parenting thing down pat. After all we have been parenting for quite a while! However, after raising 2 boys to adulthood and still in the trenches with one teenage daughter, I know this isn’t exactly accurate. As parents we need encouragement daily! And it never hurts to have a few more creative consequences for teenagers in our back pocket to keep up with our ever changing and challenging teenagers.
3 Proven Consequences for Teenagers to Build Responsibility and for Discipline
I love the teen years! And yet, I recognize that they are demanding years. Your teen is up and down emotionally. They want to form their own opinions about life, sometimes in direct opposition to ours. And despite our best efforts, our teens may lack responsibility and wisdom when it comes to decision making.
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We walk this tight rope as parents, comforting and loving our teens while still leading them and holding to our family boundaries. We are preparing our teen for the future, so we need to build responsibility and resilience. And yet, we love our kids and want to keep our relationship with our teens growing and thriving.
So here are 3 proven consequences for teenagers to build responsibility and resilience while strengthening family relationships with them now.
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Natural Consequences for Teens
You get THE phone call. You know, the one that has you scurrying around to fix a situation or race out the door. Your teen calls you in a panic telling you they forget this or that. And before you think about what you should do, you are racing to fix the problem.
Natural consequences are sneaky. They can appear as a problem that needs to be taken care of by mom. And yet, should we jump to fix the situation for our teenager?
Before we react, think through what your teen needs in this situation. Do they need grace and for us to give them a helping hand in this instance? Or are we weakening them by once again taking responsibility for their lack of planning.
Utilize natural consequences smartly by allowing your teen to face life’s natural consequences.
It can be so tempting to fix that “little problem,” for your teenager. But think of it the other way. That small mistake and resulting consequence can teach your teen a BIG lesson they will remember.
Smart Consequence for a Difficult Teen
Does it feel like your teenager is controlling the house? Many parents get to the teen years and realize that their home is dominated by their teens. And even as parents try to disentangle themselves from the situation, they place the main priority on their teen’s point of view.
It is positive to be attuned to one’s kids and how they are feeling. But as parents, we want to set the pace and tone of the household. We need a clear direction in mind as we lead our children.
For example when our teen gets very upset about a decision that we make we need to stop and think for a moment. Are they upset because they didn’t get their way, as most of us want our way? Or did something unjust actually happen? Most of the time when a teen is stomping mad, it is because they are not getting their way. This means we don’t need to fix the situation at all. We just need to stick with our decision knowing that we have the insight and broader picture to know what is best for them.
So sometimes it is best to walk away from your teen. Let them be mad and upset. Don’t try to engage or get pulled into an argument proving that you really do love them. Discourage arguments (and the need for more consequences) by shutting down the conversation temporarily.
If a cop pulls you over for speeding, there may be some small back and forth conversation in the beginning. But law enforcement does not feel the need to keep restating their decision. They listen to you, make a decision and that is it.
Walking away from a difficult teenager is a great parenting solution for several reasons. It builds trust in the family, that what you say you mean. It decreases arguments and the likelihood that your teenager dominates the family by feeling that they have a “right” to keep telling you, you are wrong.
Walking away, after a brief conversation, is not necessary for every teen. But there are some teens who feel rewarded by being allowed to keep arguing. Or the teen has been allowed to throw temper tantrums until they get their way, thus increasing the arguing. Decrease the likelihood of this by shutting down arguments sooner. You can talk a bit more later, if you deem it necessary and after your teen has time to calm down.
Build Responsibility in Teens By Expecting Them to Fix Mistakes
We want our teenagers to gradually begin to make their own way and choices in life. But even more importantly, we desire our kids to think all the way through their decisions.
And nothing helps one become better at processing choices like the burn of regret. And yet, I fiercely want to guard my kids from the kind of regret that is life altering. This means I have to be willing to make my kids correct their poor choices while they are still home and the regrets are still small.
Expecting our teenagers to fix their mistakes is another smart parenting strategy. We probably all have a story of having to drag our kids, when they were younger, back in front of a relative or friend to apologize for being rude. Continue to build responsibility in your teenager by expecting them to correct their mistakes as a teenager.
When a teenager knows that they will have to deal with the fall out of a poor choice, they will think through their choices more carefully in the future! Fixing their mistakes is a smart consequence for now, and it decreases the likelihood for more negative consequences in the future.
Responsible and Resilient Teens: 10 Secret Parenting Solutions That Work
Would you love more smart parenting solutions when it comes to creating boundaries and consequences for teens?
After spending the past 12 years working with parents and teens, I know that healthy boundaries and consequences is a BIG topic. We want to raise responsible teenagers. And we want to be able to enjoy our teen and spend less time nagging. But how do we get our teenagers, that seems to want to challenge us on everything, to the finish line!
Ideally when your kid becomes a teenager they are old enough to have more conversations to get them back on track. But sometimes we have allowed our teens too much freedom too soon, or we may be parenting a strong-willed teen. We need daily encouragement and some creative parenting solutions…fast!!
That is why I wrote, Responsible and Resilient Teens: 10 Secret Parenting Solutions That Work! Responsible and Resilient Teens is a compilation of all the lessons I have learned parenting a strong-willed teen and teaching family groups for the past 12 years! In the book you will find the parenting tools for which you have been looking. Learn actionable consequences that you can start using today! Because parents need simple steps to take that have been proven to work.
We also want to shape our children so they are better prepared for the future, not just solve today’s crisis..
That is the heart of Responsible and Resilient Teens, to give parents the strategies to encourage their teens to make wiser choices in the future!
Then you and your teen can spend more time planning and setting positive goals for the future and less time arguing and dealing with the fall out of their poor choices.
As a parent, we want to work ourselves out of a job. In Responsible and Resilient Teens, you will be given the steps to decrease the need for teen discipline. You will learn what you need to start doing more of so that the need for consequences naturally decreases.
And most importantly, the book will give you a framework by which your household boundaries will actually be effective, even if you feel like you have tried it all before! I will share with you the common mistakes parents make that sabotage their own efforts! And I will walk you through simple ways to get your family back on track.
In Responsible and Resilient Teens you will learn:
- How to get on the same page with your parenting team so family boundaries work.
- Areas that parents often sabotage their parenting solutions.
- How to encourage your teen to be resilient.
- Examples of healthy expectations and boundaries for teens.
- Ways to construct a parent led household instead of a teen controlled home.
- Why you want to spend more time on training and discussing expectations.
- How to challenge your teen in a way that builds relationships.
- Parenting solutions that utilizes both positive and negative consequences.
Responsible and Resilient Teens: 10 Secret Parenting Solutions That Work is an easy read, filled with real examples so you can take action immediately!
And RIGHT NOW, you can purchase my brand new book for FREE on Kindle Unlimited or buy a digital copy for $6.99 over on Amazon! Download a digital copy today of Responsible and Resilient Teens here and be ready with fresh ideas, tomorrow!
You can also purchase Responsible and Resilient Teens in paperback for $7.99 here! Read this short, but powerful book and then pass it along to a friend!
Who will benefit from Responsible and Resilient Teens?
This book is meant for you if any of the following is true. Do you…
- Struggle to stick to your discipline and consequences for your teens?
- Worry about your teen’s future if they keep behaving the way they do?
- Wish your spouse would help more with discipline?
- Want to encourage your teen to take more responsible?
- Parent a strong-willed teen?
- Constantly smooth over the troubles your teen get into in life?
- Want to prepare your teen to be stronger and more resilient?
Then you will be so glad that you purchased Responsible and Resilient Teens: 10 Secret Parenting Solutions That Work!
Head over here and grab your copy today at this amazing price!!
Yay! I’m so happy you decided to write a book to compile all your amazing advice into one resource! Your posts are always so full of wisdom, but to have direction on how to parent tweens and teens easily accessible is game-changing!
Thank you Heather for all your support and encouragement!! And I really appreciated your editing:)
Thanks so much for writing this book and sharing your strategies for raising resilient, responsible teens. You are so up-beat in your writing, yet also able to deliver practical, nitty-gritty advice that parents can actually use. I love that you write without the fluff! Thanks again – great book!
You are so welcome, Lisa! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.