Moving with teenagers is no joke! If you are chatting to another mom of teens, you will get instant sympathy if you say, “We are moving, and my teen is in high school.” We all know or can imagine the struggle of taking a teenager out of their familiar environment. And as their mom, it is challenging to walk with your teen through this time in their life when they have to say good-bye.
Two years ago, when we moved our family to another state, it was really hard. And, unfortunately, we upended our daughter’s life too. You may be facing a move this summer. And if you are going to be moving with teenagers here are a lots of helpful ideas to counterbalance the emotional effect of moving with teenagers.
Understanding the Teenage Emotional Response to Relocation
I know firsthand, as a parent, how relocating can stir a whirlwind of emotions in teenagers. The thought of leaving behind what’s familiar and stepping into a new high school kindles a mix of feelings, ranging from excitement to profound apprehension.
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Teens are at a stage where friendships are pivotal, and moving disrupts those cherished bonds. As they grapple with the loss of close connections, it’s not uncommon for them to experience grief—just as adults would in similar circumstances.
Grief is often compounded by anxiety, especially at the prospect of trying to join already established social circles in their new environment. For teens, such uncertainties can be as daunting as the academic challenges awaiting them. Every teenager is unique, and their responses to moving can vary widely; some may withdraw, others might become more outgoing in an effort to adapt.
Despite these differences, teens share a common need for emotional and mental support during this upheaval. As moms, we can’t always make things better, but we can be there to listen! Recognizing and validating these feelings are crucial steps in helping them navigate this complex transition.
The Emotional Landscape of Moving: Grief and Anxiety
Relocating to unfamiliar environments, teens grapple with the loss of their comfort zones and long-standing friendships. Acknowledging this reality, I encourage you to validate your teenager’s feelings of sorrow and apprehension. This validation paves the way for teenagers to process their emotions healthily.
You are going to be one of the main constants in your teens life during this transition time. So remain open to listening to them, but also help them make small steps forward!.
This can be through initiating meetings with future classmates or joining school-related social networks. Encourage your teen to engage in extracurricular activities or find a job. In that arena, they can naturally forge new bonds based on shared interests, fostering a sense of belonging.
And it’s still good, to keep up some continued communication with old friends. This can provide a steadying sense of continuity amidst change.
The Ripple Effect on Teen’s Social Development
Moving during the critical high school years presents a unique challenge for teens, inherently disrupting the continuity of their social development. We saw our daughter stumble a bit in this area. Making friends and finding friends had always been so easy for her. But in our new home, it was way more challenging.
We all had to be patient with one another. Our daughter had to figure out how she best made friends. And as her parents, we had to give her space and let go of some expectations we had too!
Forming new bonds while mourning lost ones is a delicate balancing act, fraught with potential stumbling blocks such as rejection or miscommunication. So recognize that this transition period is not just about making friends; it’s also about maintaining a sense of self and continuity in social growth.
Mental Health and Self-esteem Impact for Teens
As parents, we know that our teenagers’ mental health is as pivotal as their physical health, especially during the upheavals of a move. This considerable change introduces a host of uncertainties which, for some teens, can be overwhelming.
Equipping teens with coping skills is key!
Make sure your teenager has plenty of healthy people to talk to whether that be grandparents, coaches, counselors, teachers, or church youth leaders. Encouraging them to journal their thoughts, engage in regular physical activity, maintain a healthy sleep routine, and pursue hobbies can foster resilience and emotional stability.
Mom’s Best Tips to Help Teens with Moving
That all sounds great, but I know I like practical, actionable tips! So here are my best tips for moving with teenagers!
Tips for Moving With Teenagers
Talk to your teen as earlier as possible about the upcoming move. Yes, it won’t be a happy conversation. But discussing the move with them allows them to start processing it.
Visit the new town or state as often as you can before the move. I am so glad that we spent so many weekends working on our new house before we moved. It helped our new town feel slightly more familiar. And since my daughter and I both love the library, we made sure to stop in and get our new library card quickly!
Give your teen choices where you can. Moving was not what my daughter wanted. But within that decision, I tried to give her as many choices as possible. How do you want to design your room? What color do you want your room? Do you want to continue to homeschool or go to the local public high school? What sports or activities do you wish to try to continue.
Invite one of your teen’s friends to help decorate and get their new room set up. We have used this trick for the last two moves. It helped to have friends come, as soon as possible, and help our daughter get settled into her new home. And we try to prioritized what was important to our teen, like getting all her plants and cats safely moved!
Connect your teen into local activities as soon as you can. We, unfortunately, did not find a theatre group for our daughter to join immediately. But we did have a job lined up for her before we even moved. And that job has provided stability and a place she enjoys working. Her new bosses are great, and she has met so many people in the community.
Explore your new area! We joined a homeschool co-op and have enjoyed some of the local field trips. And we found some local treasures like an amazing bakery near us. We found a church to join. And of course we found a new hair stylist and a place to get our nails done! You can also subscribe to the local magazines, Facebook groups, and paper just to become more aware of special places, fairs, and happenings!
Stop and listen. You aren’t going to be able to make everything magically better for your teen. It will take time to form new relationships and things to feel familiar. But you can empathize with your teen and give a listening ear.
Invite over the neighbors – While it may be hard to start inviting strangers into your home if you barely feel settled yourself, hospitality is a great way to build relationships more quickly. We have some amazing neighbors. And many of them are new to the area too and excited to be friends!
Be Open to New Friends! Now this may seem silly to say, but be open to meeting new friends all sorts of places. I have been surprised who has ended up being our new friends. My daughter met one friend while taking her SAT! Not a typical place to make friends. I didn’t expect to be as close to our neighbors. Our one neighbor is way more extroverted than me so I first dismissed the idea of us being friends, but realized that later that was stupid. And now I am very grateful for her friendship cause she is always eager to get together when she can, even if it’s last minute (which with owning a farm, it typically is!).
Visit your friends – Make a road trip to go visit friends and family. Yes, it can be hard to see that life has continued on without you and your teen. But it is a good way to catch up quickly with old friends and for your teen to feel seen.
Find ways to connect with good friends. – My daughter has some friends that she gets together on Zoom call once a week, a few friends that actually write letters (yes, the kind that go in the mailbox!) and some that just enjoy texting. Explore ways that work for your teen to stay in touch with their friends.
Invite family & friends to come for a visit. Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas was a bit stressful, as we had lots of family come and stay. I didn’t feel like I had any systems in place for my new home, like I can barely remember where stuff is. But it was worth the effort to have family and friends around during our first holiday in our new home! We made lots of new memories in our home and everyone got to see where we lived!
Give it time to transition. Moving was very hard and then it got a little easier. But around the anniversary of the first year moving, it felt just hard. The newness had worn off. And things felt so challenging. But then shortly after that things finally started to come together. Our daughter switched to a different college to take her dual enrollment classes and found a theatre group. And I accepted a new friends offer to go to a writer’s conference, something I had ALWAYS wanted to do! So keep going. You are where you are for a reason!
Best Tips and Tools for Moving
We have moved multiple times since we married. And even moving across town is super stressful! But here are a couple of my favorite tools to make your move way more smooth!
Create a Moving Binder
Our last move, I purchased and downloaded this Moving Binder from Get Organized HQ. I just loved it!! It made moving so much better. And I did everything she suggested, even creating a packing index. At the time, I didn’t understand the point of the moving index, until I did!! I was shocked at how helpful the packing index was. If I couldn’t find something, all I did was open my handy binder, and I knew where the misplaced item was in minutes! Lifesaver!
And of course, I adored the color coded labels! You could tell which box goes to what room at a simple glance. Genius and as cute as can be!!
So head over here to grab your Moving Binder.
Keep All Your Moving Tools In One Place
Keep all your moving tools in one place with a handy caddy like this one! If you have a bigger house or family, I would suggest two of them. Put all your labels, permanent markers, tape, and scissors in the caddy. When you want to pack a box, just take the whole caddy with you. This way all your labels, scissors and tape are kept together.
Otherwise, believe me, you may start off with 6 rolls of packing tape, but you’ll end of with them all scattered and nowhere to be found!
And grab a pack of these Avery 8163 Labels while you are at it to go with your Moving Binder Planner! And don’t forget the packing tape. Make sure to buy the good stuff. Packing tape that rips, get stuck to the roll or doesn’t stick is not the headache you need! I like this brand for packing and moving
Have you moved or going to be moving with older kids? What has been helpful to you? I could really use a burst of encouragement and fresh ideas to try, right about now.
Managing the Emotional Effect of Moving with Teenagers
Relocating doesn’t have to upend our lives; for our teenagers, it can signal the start of an enriching chapter. With new surroundings comes a chance for young ones to redefine themselves, to step out of the shadows of past mistakes or unfair labels they might have faced. This reset might be just what they need to discover their true potential and carve out a spot in a new community that truly reflects who they are and whom they aspire to be.
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