Remember when you got married? You were so in love! You saw only the best in your man. But somewhere along the way during married life it became harder to see the finest in one another. Do we just give up on what we want? Do we try to change our husband? What if instead of settling or driving ourselves nuts trying to change our man, we discovered his secret strength. Want to know a secret to a happier marriage? When you see and release the hero in your husband. So put on those rose-colored glasses girl! Because you are about to be amazed at the prize you won when you married YOUR man!
A Secret to a Happier Marriage
While marriage involves hard work and compromise there is one major secret that I learned in the first years of marriage that radically affected how I viewed my marriage and my husband.
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Now, before we get too far I have to tell you that writing about marriage has me trembling in my leopard print mud boots! 
I mean who is stupid enough to write about marriage as if they have it all together. That’s just asking for trouble, right! I know, I know. So don’t get me wrong and think that I am saying my marriage is perfect. But I am saying that this bit of information I am about to share with you just might be a major turning point in your marriage, like it was for me!
Know the Type of Hero You Married!
I was over at my friend’s house well into my first year of marriage, when she told me she had just read this life-changing book. Well, of course, I had to know! One, I love to read and two, I was starting to get into the part of marriage where you run into some bumps. So I was all ears.
The book by Debi Pearl is called Created to be His Help-Meet.
The book was not like any other I had ever read. Debi Pearl didn’t pull any punches, and I caught a few right in the chin.
Now, Created to be His Help-Meet may not be for everyone, but I could NOT stop reading. I appreciate when some one is direct, straight forward and gets to the bottom line. So while I didn’t enjoy having my toes stepped on, I loved that the book gave real actionable steps.
3 Types of Men
One chapter shared about the main 3 types of men. And that is what I want to share with you!! There are 3 different types of men. Men will typically fall into 2 categories with one type being slightly higher than the other. By knowing your man’s types, you will be able to identify his strength more easily and be less surprised by the flip side to his personality. And you will be able to see and release the hero in your husband!
Read here to find what kind of goal setter you are!!
Mr. Command Man
Mr. Command Man is easy to spot as he is usually in leadership. He is vocal about his opinions and tends to be able to gather people to his ideas. Risk taking and leading the way is typical of Command Man. He is also able to see the big picture, and a good Command Man will seek to do what is best for the majority.
While many admire Mr. Command Man, being married to him has its rewards and its challenges. Since Command Man is a take charge kind of guy, his wife doesn’t have to try to get him to take ownership of a situation. Command Man is already at the helm leading.
However, Mr. Command Man desires a deep respect from his wife, and wants her to follow his lead. There can be some big arguments if Command Man thinks the family should go one direction and his wife feels differently. It can be easy to get your feathers ruffled at Mr. Command Man’s more dominant brusque approach.
Command Man loves to have his wife share in his ideas and dreams. While this often doesn’t leave his wife with as much free time as some wives, she is privy to her husband’s private thoughts when he trusts her.
Command Man treasures his wife and will treat her like a queen, sharing who he really is with her and few others.
If the trust is broken in the relationship it can be hard to earn back. A Command Man who is not fully committed to his vow of marriage or God may move on if he feels like he doesn’t have his wife’s respect and trust.
If you are married to Command Man, you have been blessed with a man out blazing the trail. While Command Man is great at leading and delegating, he is not so great at caring for the details of life. As Debi Pearl mentions, Command Man is not the kind to “take out the trash”. You may care for many of the behind the scenes, day-to-day operations, but your life will also have some very exciting moments with Command Man.
Mr. Steady
Mr. Steady is very dependable and loves to be with his family. While Command Man is creating a new plan, Mr. Steady is the man who actually puts that plan into motion.
While Mr. Steady is not typically up front like Command Man, people come to depend on Mr. Steady for his reliability. Without his consistency and ability to see a plan through, many a plan would fail.
Mr. Steady is typically supportive of his wife’s ideas and ventures.
And his wife has a lot more free time available to her than Mr. Command Man’s wife. Mr. Steady appreciates and feels good when his wife enjoys success in her endeavors.
Rarely does Mr. Steady leave his wife as he feels very loyal to family. However, he may not reach his potential if he is married to woman who doesn’t see his worth and keeps trying to make him into Command Man or Visionary Man. Mr. Steady is thoughtful and not quick to change, but his deliberate methodical nature is not “slowness”. His quiet strength and deep workings is a great counter balance to the more impetuous nature of the Command Men and Visionary men of the world.
If you are married to Mr. Steady, you are blessed with a much calmer life than life with Mr. Command Man and Mr. Visionary. Appreciate the quiet strength and reliability of your man, though sometimes you have to share him with others who also count on him.
Mr. Visionary
Mr. Visionary is a dreamer and very innovative. He sees things that could be and enjoys creating the ideas he envisions. He may be passionate about a certain idea or cause and will follow it through often to the extreme.
Mr. Visionary has a million ideas. Some turn out well and some turn into disasters.
So life is never dull with Mr. Visionary around.
Mr. Visionary’s family may experience times of wealth and times of want. But the world needs Mr. Visionary’s ideas and ability to spot injustices.
Mr. Visionary loves to share all his ideas with his wife and to have her share in his passion for the next cause or invention. His wife is a great asset to him, listening to his ideas and offering some balance to his tunnel vision.
If you are married to a Mr. Visionary then hang on for the ride. Life will never be dull with Mr. Visionary around. You may get some looks from others as they see your family head off down the latest trail. But you know that any other life would be boring to you. Allow yourself to give sensible advice to your man without trying to squelch all his ideas. Because we all may need his next invention!
Which Type Did You Marry?
A secret to a happier marriage is recognizing the type of man we married. We don’t have to try to change our husband. We can appreciate him for the gifting he has.
All marriages have adjustments and compromise. Especially, if for example, your dad was a Mr. Steady and you married a Mr. Visionary!! You may still be trying to get your footing.
Thinking about marriage counseling? Read this great post here all about the types of marriage counseling and what therapy can do for your marriage.
But the great part is that every man has his own special super power! We can learn to be more appreciative of our husbands and our sons. And hopefully find ourselves in a happier marriage!
So what kind of man are you married to? Can’t wait to hear!!!
Do you ever struggle to balance your husband’s and family’s goals with your own interests? Read more here about Pursuing Your Passions while Balancing Your Priorities.
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Looks like I hit the jackpot! My husband is all 3! He’s a take-charge guy who is great at leading the way. He has lots of great ideas, and is ultra supportive of my ideas as well.
Lisa,
I love how you think!:) That is great that your husband is supportive of your ideas.
My husband is DEFINITELY Mr. Command Man and I’m more a visionary type so it’s an interesting dynamic to be sure! But I must say, his take charge personality is what drew me to him in the first place and this was a nice reminder of that. (We all need those reminders sometimes, right?)
Tiffany,
Yes, that must make for a interesting mix if he is a Command Man and you are more creative. So true! We can all use some reminders:)
Great article…. I’m all about understanding and accepting people for who they are, rather than trying to change them to fit our needs. BTW I think my bf is Command Man!!
Hi Shona,
Thanks so much. Yes, it can be great to be in a relationships where we learn to appreciate each other for our different gifts! Command Man is typically easy to spot:)
I think you already know I married Mr. Steady:) I remember reading that book after you recommended it and thinking it was packed full of insights I’d never heard anywhere before. And thanks for the reminder of how to value my husband; it’s something very much needed! I should probably reread that book again as a refresher.
Yes, you have been blessed with a wonderful Mr. Steady. Love how he is so willing to jump in on home projects and on all the behind scene tech stuff at church! I have reread the book several times:)
I guess for many years when I was younger I had been trying to change my Mr. Steady into the Command Man. Now, being older (and hopefully a tiny bit wiser) I am so glad he had remained a loyal Mr. Steady Man who cares about his family and his friends, and can handle his crazy, I mean Visionary ? wife ?
Hi Nat,
Hopefully, we all grow a little wiser as we get older:) And yes, Mr. Steady does seem to love creative, visionary type women! It is such a nice balance. Thanks so much for sharing!!