Mom's Guide to Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome

After all the graduation parties are over, you find yourself left with just an empty house. The loss feels so deep. And though your friends may all seem fine, you feel like your world has shaken. When a teen leaves home for college or for the military, a season in a mom’s life has ended. And it is normal to feel sad. Here is a mom’s guide to coping with empty nest syndrome to help you through those first hard weeks.

Mom’s Guide to Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome

When my son left home for college, I was so sad. The first few days, I felt numb and didn’t want to talk to anyone. After the first week, I was able to function and move forward a little. But each morning, when I woke up, a fresh wave of sadness would hit me.

My friends would tell me that my son was only an hour away. My husband would remind me that I was still needed and that we had a young daughter still at home.

But I could feel the difference. A season in my life had ended.

My son would be back plenty to visit. And I could go see him if I wanted to. But I knew that one season had ended and another one had began. No longer would my son be home full-time. My kids were not all sleeping under the same roof as me. Life had changed

But life would not end there. And there were even some wonderful adventures to come.

It has been 7 years, and looking back I wanted to share some tips that helped me deal with my almost empty nest.

Tips to Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome is the stage in life when kids began to leave home. Parents can feel a mix of emotion such as sadness, depression, or even relief. A season of raising children in the home has ended.

Empty Nest or Almost Empty Nest Moms Need Time to Grief

Give yourself time to grief. You won’t stay here in this season of sadness, but it is OK to stop and feel the loss. You have enjoyed and survived the crazy stage of life, raising this child full-time. And now that season is over.

Acknowledging that your teen has moved into a different stage of life is healthy. You are celebrating all the highs and lows of raising this child full-time. You are also recognizing that your role as parent in your teen’s life is changing.

Feeling all the feels may make us sad for a bit. But it also helps us to make that shift from full-time parent to parent/mentor.

I have seen some parents try to keep parenting in the exact same way, even after their teen has left home, in an effort to put off feeling the loss. But this only keeps your teen and parent relationship stuck. Teens often resent so much parent interaction, acting out against their parents. Instead, give your teen a little space to flounder a bit and make some mistakes. Once teens figure out that they don’t quite know everything, they are more receptive to some continued mentoring by their parents.

So both parent and teens need a little space. It is scary watching your teen leave home. And it is hard for teens to leave home too. But a break needs to happen. Not too worry. A “new” more grown-up relationship will soon form.

Your Empty Nest Experience is Unique

Hopefully, you will have some other mom friends that are going through a similar stage. But do remember that your experience is unique.

When my son left home, it was very painful. Though I still had a daughter at home, our home felt much emptier when he left. My son and I have always been very close. I raised my son on my own for the first 6 years of his life. And we both love to talk about deep topics. So suddenly, that person to chat with was gone.

Yes, he was only an hour away. But his calls home in the beginning were very infrequent. And I also deeply missed seeing him play the drum on stage each week at church. So it took awhile before I found some new daily routines.

Find New Ways to Connect to Your College Student

Again, each teen is going to be different. But you may have to look for new ways to connect. With my son, he did not want to talk or visit home much at all in the beginning. And as we are so alike, I understood. He was trying to stand on his own, without relying on his parents. Once he figured out that he was going to survive, he was home more to visit.

In the meantime, I did figure out a couple of ways to still feel connected.

His university had chapel every day. I know!! But the speakers they brought in for chapel were amazing! Top notch and so inspiring. And thankfully, the chapel is live streamed so I could also tune in everyday to listen and be learning along with him. I also discovered a Facebook group where the college students all shared funny things they saw or heard around campus.

And eventually, my teen and I would do a weekly Skype conversation. We both love talking face-to-face, so it worked perfect for us.

Check out different ways to feel “connected” with your teen, even if they don’t all involve actually talking to your teen. Is there an online university parent Facebook group you can join? Does the university have a sports team where you could go and watch games? Or perhaps you could send a care package to your college or military teen with these adorable printable ideas!

And go ahead and buy some spirit wear to support your teen’s school or military branch!!

Be Ready for the Phone Call to Mom

You are going to get THE phone call. Sorry:(

I can pretty much guarantee that you will get a phone call where your teen is really upset. They didn’t make the sorority. Or they had a huge fight with their roommate, or their first serious relationship just ended. Or your teen may call crying that they just plain hate college.

It is so heartbreaking. You want to fix the situation. But you can’t.

First, just focus on listening to your teen. Try to just let them be sad or angry or whatever they are feeling.

Then, help your teenager come up with a “what’s next” plan. Focus on what actions YOUR teen can take, after they had time to process. You can be supportive, but don’t jump in to rescue them. Your teenager will get through things faster if they take steps to move through their problems.

Our son didn’t make an highly competitive music team. It. Was. Devastating. He had been playing music since he could hold a drum stick, literally. Not only was his not making the team a shattering of a dream, it was a big loss of potential income. But we worked the problem together. We finally found a job, in his field of audio/visual communication. And it ended up being one of the best things that happened to him.

Create Fresh Adventures as an Empty Nester

Try something new for yourself. Don’t feel like you have to commit to anything BIG right away. In fact, sometimes it is good to allow yourself time to figure out what you really want to do before committing to lots of little things.

But do begin to try out a new hobbies. Or explore the possibility of creating a business from home.

Writing has always been a passion of mine, but there never seemed time for it. After my son left for college, I rushed to find a new job. Thankfully, none of them worked out. So I decided to start a blog to get more into a daily habit of writing.

Little did I know all the interesting things I would learn how to do as a result of writing and running a blog!

So don’t be afraid to take on a fresh challenge and move yourself up the priority list. Not only will you find more things to look forward to, but your teens will connect with you more. As your teens see you trying hard things, they will feel more willing to share some of the challenges they are facing too!

Enjoy Some New Empty Nest Opportunities

Our first vacation without our two older boys still stands out in my mind. One, it was hard not having everyone with us. But I also noticed how much cheaper it was!

We could now do some of the more expensive vacation ideas like going to a show or out to a nice restaurant. When there was only three people to pay for then we had a little extra money to splurge. And it was kind of nice.

So enjoy the perks of having fewer teens to look after on a daily basis or pay for when you go on a vacation.

Your Flown Teen Still Needs You

Your teen still needs you. Just give them a little room to realize this. Teens can kinda push back from their parents… in case you hadn’t noticed. But as time goes on they will begin to want more time with you. There will be the cooking questions, the “how do I do this” question, or just the “I need to talk” calls.

Give your new parent and almost grown adult relationship room and space to grow.

I love that I still hear and see my grown children frequently. It is often unplanned, but it certainly always brightens my day to see them.